Friday, April 24, 2009

Dabbling

There is a difference between a job and a hobby. When you decide to do something for fun, to help you relax or to take your mind off your problems, you don’t have to do it well and you don’t have to do it forever.

These are revolutionary ideas to most people.

My friends love to talk about the number of things I’ve quit. I used to take ballroom dance lessons, but I quit. I did some painting, but I gave that up, too.
I strung beads on wire and made my own jewelry for a while. I took a camera out into the woods and photographed nature. Ten years ago, I took up sewing. I made a dress and two skirts, but I haven’t sewed anything since.

These are what I call hobbies. Hobbies aren’t things I ever want to do professionally. I don’t need to be good at them.

I can spend every spare hour for weeks on a hobby, and then abandon it and never go back.

I dabble.

So often, other people seem to feel the need to apologize for dabbling. If you ask someone whether they play golf, for instance, most people will say either yes or no. Yes, if they work hard at the game, play regularly, take lessons and generally care about it. No, if they don’t do all these things.

People don’t understand the freedom of dabbling.

I can sit down at a piano and pick out a simple tune, but I can’t really play. The pleasure I get from my simple tune is just as great as it would be if I could play Beethoven’s Fifth, which I never will because I don't care that much. It takes dedication and passion to accomplish that. You can't dabble your way to Carnegie Hall.

There's nothing wrong with dabbling when it comes to golf or photography, but if you are a consultant, you can't dabble at networking. You can't dabble at maintaining your skills. You can't dabble at managing you career. Or rather, you can, of course, but you are giving up success and security.

There's freedom in dabbling with your hobbies. With your job, the freedom comes when you stop dabbling.

Thursday, April 23, 2009

Bad Waiters Think Women Are Lousy Tippers

I was sitting in the waiting room at the eye doctor last week, trying to read a book. It was recommended somewhat forcefully by a lot of people, so I feel I should read it, but it hasn’t caught my attention yet, so I was easily distracted.

Across the room from me, a young man was lounging in his seat talking into his cell phone in an uncomfortably loud voice. Now, I talk loud on the phone. I know this because people keep mentioning it, but this guy was really yelling.

Whenever I hear someone working hard to talk on the phone, having to raise their voice or constantly saying, “Can you hear me?” or “Are you still there?”, I’m often surprised at the inanity of the conversation they are struggling to have. This young lizard was no exception.

He said, “Yo, dude, are we goin’ out tonight or what...Nah, I worked last night…it sucked. I had the back section and I thought it was gonna be a good night and then this group of women took the big table…hardly any tip at all. It’s like they don’t know anything.”

At that point, he caught my eye and realized I was listening to him. I think he also realized I was laughing at him, because he turned away and lowered his voice. From the back, the tips of his ears were still visible and they were bright red.
I didn’t tell him what I know, but I wish I had. I know that he is a rotten waiter.

When I go to a restaurant with other women, we frequently discuss the tip and most women believe that the tip is a flexible amount based on the quality of the service. It’s not the fixed 15% or 20% that many men practice. Women tend to see the tip as an opportunity to reward good behavior, in much the same way we praise the puppy who piddles on the newspaper.

The women I know, so this is a broad generalization, tip between 5% and 45% and it depends entirely on the quality of the service and how much they enjoyed the experience.

If the waiter doesn’t understand that eye contact is a request for attention, or if glasses sit empty while we wait to finish our spicy tuna role, the tip will shrink. If the waiter is unobtrusive, but the glasses are always filled and the food arrives how and when expected and the check is accurate, the tip will be lavish.

This is not a secret. In fact, it’s the reason the tip isn’t a fixed amount – to give you the opportunity to earn an extraordinary tip by executing extraordinarily well. Good waiters know this.